BREAKING NEWS: Megan Fox Says Stuff That’s Not Completely Retarded

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Brace yourselves, y’all. Megan Fox is in the new issue of Entertainment Weekly, and she gave an interview and said some stuff — are you sitting down? — that doesn’t make her seem dumber than a bucket of dead hamsters. Oh I know, I’m as shocked as you are. Some excerpts:

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: Transformers turned you into an overnight star. Looking back, how do you feel about the movie?
MEGAN FOX: I’m terrible in it. It’s my first real movie and it’s not honest and not realistic. The movie wasn’t bad, I just wasn’t proud about what I did.

You don’t sound convinced that [Transformers 2] is the greatest movie on earth.
It’s not trying to be the greatest movie on earth. It’s going to be the best action movie of the summer. Hands down, it will win that. But it’s not trying to be a Golden Globe-nominated film. It’s a badass popcorn summer movie.
You up for a third Transformers?
Sure. I mean, I can’t s— on this movie because it did give me a career and open all these doors for me. But I don’t want to blow smoke up people’s ass. People are well aware that this is not a movie about acting. And once you realize that, it becomes almost fun because you can be in the moment and go, ”All right, I know that when he calls Action! I’m either going to be running or screaming, or both.”

You’ve said you’re afraid of [Angelina Jolie].
I was joking! She always seems otherworldly in her power and her confidence. I’m sure she has no idea who I am. But if I were her, I’d be like, ”Who the f— is this little bulls— brat who was in Transformers that’s going to be the next me?” I don’t want to meet her; I’d be embarrassed.

[Brian Austin Green] is older than you. And you’ve said younger guys are a waste of time.
I don’t understand why people don’t have a f—ing sense of humor. Always assume that I’m being sarcastic. Like when I said those things about High School Musical. I didn’t really mean that it’s about pedophilia. But if you get high and you watch it, that is what that f—ing movie is about!

Did you watch that high?
Yes, and it blew my mind.

Looking ahead, where would you like to see your career in five years? What’s the best-case scenario?
If I’m still making Transformers five years from now, I might not be so überexcited. But there’s nothing specific that I need to accomplish. I just want to still be working.

What’s the worst-case scenario?
Umm…that I’d be on The Hills?

Some of that was actually — gasp — somewhat amusing. Almost charming, even. If Megan Fox keeps this up, I might have to re-evaluate my stance on her being functionally retarded. Geez, and it was so much fun mocking her explosive diarrhea of the mouth. Maybe this was just a fluke and next week she’ll go right back to nonstop chittering about her faux-bisexual proclivities and we can return to thinking she’s a vortex of idiocy.

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